I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
