sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
