Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm really into asian looking animals
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
