I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
