I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
