What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
