This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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