It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This baby is an asshole
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
