He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
