is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
