We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
