at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
