we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
