i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
