I molested 6 butterflies tonight
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
