Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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