I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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