the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize