I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
