Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
