If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
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