wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
