Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
