Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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