My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
