i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
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and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
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I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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