I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
