Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
