And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
