happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize