I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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