I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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