all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
