There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
