You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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