I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
