I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
