my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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