You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
you had me at cake vodka
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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