Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
