I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
