i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
