Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
