So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
