"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
