yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Don't make out with my wife yet
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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