whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
sarcasm needs its own font
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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