Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
