what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
