apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
