if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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