I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
