i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
tell me about the eggs
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