i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
