All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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