Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
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I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
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Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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