somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
