he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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