I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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