Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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