I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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