please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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