hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
