Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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