just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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