I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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