So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
