I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
