You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
