AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
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So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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