Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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