Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
