That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize