I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
