I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
