You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
